After declaring that the “insanely great” iPhone 4 is “just a phone,” Steve Jobs announced today that there is absolutely no significant problem with the new, hot-selling smartphone. While acknowledging that in a few, isolated cases, the phone’s reception dropped dramatically when held in the left hand, he pointed out that this would only be a problem for “right-handed people.”
As it turns out, the problem isn’t so much with the iPhone 4’s antenna as with Apple’s software. “Upon investigation, we were stunned to find that the formula we use to calculate how many bars of signal strength to display is totally wrong. So, for that matter, is the formula we use to calculate how many bars the development team visits each day.
“The current algorithm mistakenly displays a stronger signal than the phone is actually receiving. Contact with the left hand tricks the software into believing that it’s under oath, forcing it to report the accurate signal strength.”
Users who have experienced the problem are divided on this explanation. While some acknowledge that, yes, AT&T’s reception is lousy even when there are five bars, others insist that when held in the left hand, the quality drops from really bad to “on par with acting, story, and 3D effects of The Last Airbender.”
While not admitting to the problem, Apple and AT&T have agreed to an exchange program for dissatisfied customers. If you wish to return your iPhone 4, call 900-555-5555. You must call that number on your iPhone 4 while holding it in your left hand and lying down inside an air raid shelter.
“The problem with the iPhone 4 design isn’t that it’s disrupting reception,” argued Steve Jobs in a recent luncheon. “The problem is that it’s disrupting the Reality Distortion Field.”
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