This is difficult for me to admit, but I must come clean: I am a water addict—an aquaholic.
No, it’s true. If I go as little as an hour without water, my throat gets dry. After two hours, I begin to feel a little shaky. Before long I feel woozy and disoriented.
I can’t tell you what would happen if I went four hours. I don’t think I could handle that much withdrawal.
I know it’s ridiculous, but my body tells me that I’d die without water.
This isn’t my first such problem. About a year ago I discovered I was a sex addict. It was a horrible realization. I always liked sex, but that seemed okay because my wife liked it, too. We were both enablers.
We’re recovering sex addicts, now. In fact, after dragging her to therapy and repeatedly lecturing her on the unhealthy dangers of intimate contact, my wife now swears that she’s lost all desire to have sex with me.
Are the two addictions connected? I used to drink a lot of water after sex, but stopping one bad habit didn’t stop the other. In fact, I now believe that sex was merely a gateway drug to water. And believe me, of the two, water is the harder habit to break.
But I’ll find the right therapist and the right 12-step group, and I’m going to lick this thing.
And then I get to that other addiction of mine: oxygen. I need that constantly.
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